I’m gonna spoil this blog and say it’s a Brock Holt appreciation blog with insight to the future. I mean c’mon guys. It’s Spring Training. If you wanted to see pictures and videos of Red Sox players wearing alternate colored hats and street clothes and long tossing with their kids then you’ve come to the wrong website. This that good shit. This is Anything But E. Idea just hatched! We should hire 22 other writers with the budget of close to $0 that we have so we have 25 writers and we’re all under aliases of a single letter…except E. It’s genius. I’ll talk to the boys to try and get this done for you guys. (To be clear the Anything But E is not a dig at Eovaldi. It’s about trains).
Is there a better utility player in baseball than Brock Holt? Don’t worry I already looked it up for you. The answer is no. He’s played every position except catcher and pitcher. According to Baseball References. But I’m pretty sure I remember him pitching one time so beleve what you want. And the reason he hasn’t played those positions is because we’ve had superstars behind the plate like Sandy Leon and Blake Swihart as well as on the mound like Sale, Price, John Lackey and others I don’t feel like naming.
Are we going to list some dope things about Brock Holt right now ? Is that what’s happening? Ok let’s do it:
He’s Griff’s dad.
His nickname reveals the size of his manhood. “Big”
He’s best friends with everyone. Hugs JD after home runs and is a no flow flow bro with Benny.
During rain delays he plays guitars in the clubhouse. I could do without the country music but he’s from Fort Worth so I guess it makes sense that he likes country
9% (2/22, 1 in every 11) of his homeruns is a part of a cycle. He has the only postseason cycle.
He got the same amount of rookie of the year votes as George Springer.
He has more World Series rings than Ted Williams, Tony Gwynn, Ken Griffey Jr, Barry Bonds and Ty Cobb combined.
In terms of team morale, he’s a perennial MVP candidate.
And the last one I’m gonna say is: He wants to play in Boston FOREVER! Queue scene from Sandlot of Squints telling Smalls the story of the dog and the close up on the cop saying Forever a bunch of times. Foooooreeeeeeveeeeeer.
This tweet came out yesterday. Probably could’ve blogged it then but whatever. And yes this is a photo of a tweet. Last time I blogged a tweet went less than good so we’re doing screenshots now.
What if Brock played here forever? One way we could look at it is similar to ‘The Rocket’ sketch from JibJab. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=qwJlfhdC7wg
I am so confident that that link will work. If this link doesnt at least try to take you to a video of YouTube I’ll eat a pencil. (Edit: I just tried this and it opened the link 3 times on my laptop. It’s such a good link that it’s working overtime).
The year is 2057. Griff Holt is the manager of the Red Sox. After an illustrious career he becomes the first person to ever manage their father. Brock is still an amazing utility player. That hasn’t changed. But the star player on the Red Sox is no longer Mookie Betts. It’s God. Yes, God. Science has progressed so far that we have found God and the Red Sox got him to sign a contract to play left field. After playing for 43 years, Holt is the all time leader in AB, Hits, Walks, Home Runs, Stolen Bases, Triples, Doubles, and smiles put on the faces of Red Sox fans. He is baseball. The Supreme Court is considerin changing the name of baseball to Brock-ball and his birthday is a national holiday. Don’t worry, Jennifer Aniston still looks like Rachel Green. She literally did not age from 1998.
A second idea would be to Ted Williams him and put his head on a young players body. Let his brain takeover and control the body to perfection. That seems unlikely though. Science will never be able to do a head switch.
I want Brock Holt. FOREVER!
Anything But E 