Hello everyone.
This is a topic I would have blogged about sooner but I was down the Cape for vacation (I had a lovely time by the way thank you for asking) and I thought it was a hot topic that would definitely have been blogged about already.
When I saw it wasn’t blogged yet oh boy did the juices start flowing. Since the bridge, I’ve been thinking about this blog. I can’t wait to publish it. I was excited the entire way home. Which is weird. I usually hate leaving the Cape. Not because I hate home. Whitman is dope.
Ok so that was the intro and I don’t know if I’m going to leave that there. Felt cute, might delete later.
The Red Sox just played in London and I know Pat Brown won’t blog about it but Coop might so I’ll limit my “expert” analysis to a short blurb.
Clearly the Sox offense is nasty. Up there with the best in the majors. They scored 21 runs in 2 games. 2 games in which they went 0-2. I mean fuck. How bad does it have to get before Dombrowski puts down his caviar and trades for a fucking closer? I mean CHRIST JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! It’s not even like a closer would be nice to have. IT’S ARGUABLY MORE NECESSARY THAN OXYGEN OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS IF WE WANT TO PLAY BASEBALL IN OCTOBER! Trade prospects. I don’t care who. They’re all thrid basemen anyway. Trade Dalbec. Trade Casas. Trade Travis. Whatever. JUST GIVE ME A CLOSER FOR FUCK SAKE! Just don’t trade Feltman.
Alright. This is the meaty part of the blog. This is what I’ve been thinking about.
Let’s boogie. It’s currently Sunday. This is something that blew up on Wednesday.
And here is the full version:
“You. Must. Have. BARS!”
AND DICKY HAS BARS!
Basically every line in this is crazy good. A few of my favorites include:
“In touch with the kids like a pedo”
0:48 in the Youtbe video. See this one is very clever. Pedo is short for pedophile and a pedophile is somebody who is sexually aroused by and attracted to young children. They touch kids. Lil Dicky does not touch kids. He knows what’s up with the kids and what the kids are talking about on the interwebs and with each other because he is hip and with it. Old people ask “what are the kids talking about nowadays?” Lil Dicky is saying he is not old and is in fact happening.
“Hold up MJ ’96 maybe I’m back on my bullshit”
0: 55. Ok. Let’s break down this lyrical waterfall for a second. MJ=Michael Jordan. In 1996, MJ won the Finals, led the league in scoring with 30.4 PPG, and won the MVP. He did this while playing for the Bulls. When Lil Dicky says “back on my bullshit” it can be interpreted as he is saying that he is going to start referencing the Bulls. He will become entranced by Chicago’s basketball team. But what he actually means is he’s returning to his old antics.
“You know I come full like a hard dick”
0:58. Lovely. An incredible bit of imagery here. “Come full” is meant to mean he is full of rhymes and bars but because of the English language and the fact he is speaking and not writing, this line can be transcribed as “cumful” as in full of cum. Cum is a slang word for semen which a hard or erect penis ejaculates. This is 6th grade health class. We’ve all seen the puberty video. It’s human nature and it’s beautiful.
“Gas out the ass like flatulence”
1:26. Gas is slang for marijuana, a common drug that is heatedly debated about as it’s legalization becomes more widespread. The phrase “out the ass” means to have a lot of something. So I could say I have “hair out the ass” meaning that I possess a lot of hair or I have “cookies out the ass” if I was Cookie Monster. Lil Dicky has a lot of marijuana. He lives in California so it is legal for him to own it. Flatulence is the release of gas from the anal cavity. A fart. It is a play on words.
“Sharp shit coming out my dome, I’m a unicorn”
1:37. Sharp is another term for smart. Dome means head. His head is spouting smart ideas. This is a unicorn:
A mythical creature with a sharp protuberance coming out of its head.
The Xbox controller part
1:57. This is just funny.
The Kareem Abdul-Jabbar part
2:12. Water boils at 212. WMS. This is proof that he wasn’t lying in his song “Professional Rapper” ft. Snoop Dogg when he said he could switch up his flow. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a famous NBA hall of famer who currently holds the record for most points scored in a career. He often scored with his famous “hook shot” which has since got out of style. Lil Dicky’s hooks, parts of a song, have him scoring, not like basketball but with women.
“Eating the pussy like cervical cancer”
2:25. Pussy is slang for a woman’s vagina. Cervical cancer is cancer of the cervix, which I have been informed is part of a woman’s reproductive system. Eating pussy is slang for performing oral sex on a female and Lil Dicky is saying he does it in a fashion similar to cancer.
“OJ with it, Y’all wonder how I did it”
2:37. OJ refers to Orenthal James Simpson, a former football player and alleged murderer. People were certain that OJ killed people but he was proved innocent by a court of law. People wonder how he got away with it. People wonder how Lil Dicky makes such good music. I wonder.
“Rap name is a dick joke”
3:11. Yeah no fuck, David.
“I browse long like AD”
3:22. I browse sounds like eyebrows. This is AD or Anthony Davis, a member of the Los Angeles Lakers, a movie production studio masquerading as a professional basketball team:
There’s more to the freestyle but I’ve been sitiing criss cross applesauce for a while and want to stretch my legs so I’ll let you analyze the rest if you should see it so fit to do so.
The only thing is I don’t know if this is a true freestyle in the sense that he just sat down and started rapping because he brought the flowers but maybe he just brought them because he knew he was freestyling considering it is Sway and he just wanted to add some theatrics and planned to say something about bringing her flowers.
I know other people have written about music on this website before. This is my first music blog and it’s being published 4 days late but I put the idea out there and offered it up to others. It just wasn’t blogged so I thought I’d give it a go. Here’s proof:
This was on Wednesday:
“I’m all in”. Translation: yeah I’ll blog about it.
Then on Friday (2 days ago):
Coop says the Edelman doc is out and Jack writes about it. Great job Jack!
Listen. Steve is a top 5 blogger here. Easily. Love the kid. Great person. I gave him the chance but I’m stealing this topic. I’VE HAD IT!
And there you have it. 2, maybe 3 blogs in 1. Who else be doing that?
PS: I know I exposed Steve in this. Sorry Steve. I think it’s fun to have these little jabs for funsies. If it helps you, those friends from school I mentioned earlier-none of them read this. That isn’t by accident. I haven’t and won’t tell them about this site so that’s bad publicization (or whatever word means to spread the word) by me and that’s a free insult you can use against me.
Anything But E 