I was going to do bread but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Too many factors with bread so I thought to myself “what about candy?” And realized that that, too, was too broad a category. So I narrowed it down to candy bars. I’m just going to be ranking the major players so if you’re like an O’henry fan or something I’m sorry but this list isn’t for you. And just know it that if I was doing candies as a whole that good and plenties and black licorice would be tied for dead last. Anyway-
1- Twix
Left or right, I don’t care- credit where it is due. Twix bars are just absolute fire. Great texture with the crunch and the caramel to boot is just unbeatable. This probably will not be a super popular take but I’m the one with access to a wordpress account and you’re not so I get to make the lists. Those are the rules.
2- Milky Way
I’m a big caramel guy if that isn’t apparent by now. The list will probably be dominated by the quality of caramel. Anyhoo Milky Ways slap. A little more firm than a Three Musketeers, not as overdone as Snickers- perfect balance. Relatively filling too. I know that is Snicker’s whole shtick but I’m giving the edge to Milky Ways.
3- Butterfingers
Don’t like this list? That is just too bad. The truth hurts. Butterfingers are FIRE. That crunch is bar none. The flavor is there. It’s a nice deviation from the rest of candy bars. Good on their own but even better when you’re going on a candy binge and need to switch up flavors. Learned the importance of that from Man Vs. Food.
4- Snickers
They’re good, no doubt! But they’re not the best. I eat them pretty frequently but they’re not my first choice. They’re very popular too. And I’ll be honest if I were ranking “candy bar ad campaigns” Snickers would win in a runaway. You’re not you when you’re hungry is a great slogan because it’s true. Everybody sucks when they’re hungry. I mean the word hangry exists. Angry isn’t combined with any other word but hungry. And those commercials ran point for a hot minute too. But they’re not the best candy bar, just best advertised.
5- Three Musketeers
The flavor is solid. None of these are bad. Last place in candy bars is like first place in vegetables or honestly a lot of other things. Candy is objectively good and that’s why so many Americans are obese and overweight. Now that I have you here I want to get to the real point of this blog. If we spent just 15 minutes a day doing cardiovascular exercises we cou-
Just kidding guys. Three Musketeers bars are good. Definitely better than the book Three Musketeers. It’s just the texture is a little meh sometimes. I feel like they were better when I was a kid but have recently really lost their touch. They’re like too whipped or something now. I dont know if it’s a recipe change or my pallet just evolving past thinking chicken nuggets are fine cuisine but that’s just how I feel about them
*I wanted to put the OG Hershey’s Bar on this list but I feel like it’s not fair to put chocolate by itself up against these titans of sweetness. Chocolate is merely the beginning for them. Not that I don’t love a good Hershey’s Bar but it just would’ve been weird to compare them with this group.
Honorable mentions are Skybars, Paydays, and Charleston Chews. I said I was only doing major players but these three are all stellar. Maybe I’ll rank obscure candy bars but I don’t want to lose our audience. We’re still in the growth phase so I have to appeal to the most amount of people possible to get you guys on board. Niche blogs once we get big enough. If you want niche rankings share this site with your friends so we can get to a comfortable spot alright? If you want extra specific lists you have nobody to blame but yourself for this.
Anything But E 