Zion Williamson is one of the most popular athletes in basketball and America. If he declared for the MLB draft and became a baseball player that would enormously help the sport become more popular among kids age do fortnite dances in public to are worried about student debt after college. The average MLB fan is a 70 year old white confederate (I just made that up please don’t quote me on that). If Manfred wants to do anything worth the shit he eats for breakfast then he will pray to a higher power for Zion to leave Duke for spring training.
The kid’s a freak athlete. He can jump 20 feet in the air and is built like a Minecraft character with logs for arms and legs. I genuinely can’t remember a time I saw Zion run but I’m gonna guess he’s fast. Just look at this picture. His hand is eye level with row 200. Nonsense.
If he was given maybe 3 months to train for Opening Day there is no doubt in my mind that he could pinch hit for a pitcher any day of the week.
Zion is 6’7 285. Aaron Judge is 6’7 282. Zion could literally hit the ball 3 lbs farther than Judge if he was given the opportunity to relentlessly train and do tee work for months. Everybody kisses that gapped tooth, bulletin board material provider, pinstripe wearing asshole’s, well, ass. Zion could hit a ball even further. Ever hear of the Home Run Derby? Zion could have a monopoly on the Home Run Derby.
Would being the greatest pinch hitter in history not be the best job of all time? Literally just hit like 6 times a week and maybe play an inning in the field. Get paid millions on millions of dollars to do minimal work and then win the Home Run Derby every year. It would kill the Home Run Derby which is sad but also incredible.
Zion owes it to baseball to play. The MLB lost Kyler Murray. Even though he’s the world’s most boring person he was electric on the field and was going to bring HYPE to Oakland. Baseball needs a new college star to be excited about.
Think about it. Zion had one downfall at Duke. This:
And that would never happen in baseball. He hurt his knee busting through the shoe and slipping on the court. You know what sports shoes literally never fall apart because the sole is nailed in place? Baseball. You know what sports playing surface isn’t irresponsably, aggressively and unnecessarily slippery? Baseball. It makes sense. All of his problems will disappear with baseball.
Now that we’ve decided Zion should play baseball the only issue is for what team. He’s from South Carolina and obviously there’s no team there so he doesn’t have hometown ties. If we wanted geography to choose, we would say Atlanta. That’s the closest team to him. If we want to talk about putting him on the Red Sox as a big fuck you to Judge and the Yankees I would entertain that idea. However, he wouldn’t get as much playing time in the AL as the NL as a pinch hitter since pitchers don’t hit. I think the Nationals makes the most sense. They have young players like Juan Soto who Zion can relate to and journey through baseball alongside. They also just lost a lot of power in the lineup with Bryce Harper leaving Washington. Zion could fill that power shortage and help Washington remain on top of the NL East.
Zion. I know you’re reading this. I’m going to talk directly to you here. C’mon buddy. You know what you gotta do. I know Spring Training has already started but it’s not too late. You could train in the minors for a month and get a call up in early to mid April. You’ll only miss a couple games. Do the right thing Zion.
Anything But E 